I was groomed.
There, I said it out loud.
I was groomed by my parents, my brother, my boyfriends, my teachers, my bosses and it didn’t matter what gender they were. I was groomed.
I am a very very young Gen X, which is why I call myself The Ancient Millennial. However, I am still subject to many things Gen X women were raised to be:
- self‑sufficient / but supportive of those around them
- unfussy / but classy and well maintained
- low‑maintenance / but capable of showcasing their man
- emotionally contained / but a freak in the sheets
- “not like other girls” / but not better than a boy
- adaptable / but strong
- practical / but whimsical
- tough / but easily surrender to a man
We were trained to survive by not noticing sexism. We weren’t oblivious, it was just that noticing it would have made our lives unbearable. There was nothing worse than a “feminist.”
So we learned to outwork it, outthink it, sidestep it, swallow it, minimize it, reinterpret it, and make ourselves smaller to avoid triggering it.
But then something happens. The medical world calls it “peri‑menopause,” and suddenly we don’t see the world the same way. We see it without the nurturing hormones, without the hormones that keep the peace. We no longer bend ourselves into what other people think we should be. The veil lifts, and we see with great clarity how we gave up our youth for a lifestyle that belittled us.
So when you see older women on fire and on a rampage, cut her some slack. She’s finally figured out that it’s her life, and she’s just a little messy and loud while she figures out what she’s going to do.
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